Leaving my home alone to head for the beach changed me. I had come to the beach to be alone and had gotten my wish. The boardwalk was empty besides for me, no one in sight or earshot. The earlier fight with my parents roused it’s ugly head in the back of my mind. Peering out from behind the dark corner of my brain that I worked to hard to keep down. I didn’t like fighting with my parents, but my depressed brain had other views for my future then my parents, and neither willing to compromise. I wanted help but depression wouldn’t let me. Help. The word whizzed around in my head till I forced myself to forget about all of that and simply look out onto the water. As I stared out over the brilliant blue water, I felt something, something I am not used to, a strange feeling, it seems to lift the tightness from my chest, however, little it may be it feels as if 1000lb have been pulled off my chest. The sea seems to allow me to breath, sense something other than myself, to feel the world around me, to forget about everything in my life, and only focus on the moment, not to worry about the future. I look over the water as it seeming random patterns of bouncing light reflect the orange sun into my eyes. The dark blue of the water dragging all stress away from me as if the water itself is draining the tension from my body. My arms lax and fall freely to my side, my legs loosen and set in place. I take a deep breath of air, the cool breeze blown from the sea gives the air a salty taste. With each breath, my mind wanders further and further from my own problems, stress, pain, and anger. All I can feel is the cool breeze against my skin and the calming laps of each wave break as it hits the shore. The white foam marking a line in the sand, accompanied by dark green seaweed scattered across the shore, giving the otherwise bland yellow beach blips of life and beauty. I fall to my knees in tears, why am I crying, why is all this sad emotion suddenly coming to light now? I have kept it buried for so long why come out now? Why does this crushing feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, pain, and happiness have to show up now? Why remind me of it, remind me of how shity I feel, remind me that a normal human would just seek to talk to someone if they were that lonely? It doesn’t matter what reasoning I tell myself, the tears fall from my face like a waterfall, my small whimpers choked back by tears, carry on into the silence to no response. All around me is nothingness, an empty beach, a vacant board walk, not one person to hear me suffer. Good. No one can hear this, I must stay strong in order to keep up my appearance, who knows what would happen if someone found out, they would probably try and help. I don’t need help, I can handle this on my own, I just need to keep it together and I’ll be fine. No matter how I try and rationalize it the tears still fall and my choked cries are the only other audible sound to be heard over the relentless crashing of the waves. A hand falls on my shoulder and everything the world, life, meaning falls away. As the one hand rests on my shoulders un moving, unwavering, steady, helping.


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