Jimmy

Another 3 am story, read only if you dare, dare to see true crazy.

As Jimmy awoke upon the hard concrete floor, nothing seemed real, not the four solid walls made of the same gray dull color that lined ground that he now lay upon, or the vast blue sky that stretched out in front of him. How did he get here, how will he get home, nothing mattered, all that mattered to him was the seeming unending amount of bird shit flowing in through a steel pipe about twenty feet up.

It poured down onto the ground splattering everywhere. It was at this moment that he realized, how the fuck am I going to get a fucking sandwich with no women around? This question troubled him severely and he almost shit his pants from thinking too hard. His mind drifted back to how he got into this mess. 10 hours earlier.  Jimmy awoke from his fourth nap that day after just injecting heroin under his toenail, it was the only way he could get high anymore, also he had a noose around his neck his dog was licking peanut butter of his balls and he was also dressed as green lantern.

Upon realizing that he was not infarct fucking Jennifer Aniston anymore and that it was only a combination of his dog and a glass filled with melted deodorant and covered in sweat. Jimmy quickly realized that he needed to get high as soon as possible, he yelled for his bitch wife who was off “Taking care of our son’s brain tumor” ya like he’s fucking special. When Jimmy was a child he drank snorted cocaine and fucked prostitutes for days on end. stumbling around his apartment Jimmy qwikly realized that his underwear and pant were full of shit. It was no ordinary shit but that of which had been possessed by a demon, and it burned like hell’s gates had broken open and all the devil’s minions were ass fucking him all at the same time. with no other option Jimmy took off his pant and underwear and poured the liquid like shit out his apartment window not caring who he fucked up with his smelly projectile. Just then a large brown foul smelling bird flu to his window. “What the fuck man I mean what the fuck!!!” the bird shouted, Jimmy to fucked up to react stood in awe wondering whether this was a hallucination or real. the bird spoke thus “What the fuck is wrong with you man, you just fucking dump your shit out your fucking window you fucking fucker. you deserve to fucking die, you cock sucking, mother fucking, pussy rejecting, birth control injecting, deadbeat, dick head, ass face, broken condom, ass raping, fuck!!!!!!”

Jimmy taken aback by this nasty bird took a swing at it, Jimmy was still too fucked up to process information or use many of his motor skill yet so he did the one thing he could, Jimmy took his last syringe of heroin and jabbed himself in the dick hoping to get high enough to fight this bird. unfortunately he misjudged the size of the needle because his dick was like a fucking toothpick, and it went right through his own dick, “fuuuck” Jimmy yelled the bird only laughed a sadistic laugh as he pleasured himself to Jimmy’s pain. Taking another swing Jimmy aimed again striking down missing again but this time hitting his balls tearing through the sack ripping it open like wrapping paper on Christmas. No joy followed though, except for the bird who ejaculated on Jimmy’s body spit on it and proceeded to to carry him off somewhere. Jimmy quickly blacked out. Now in the cold dark room the only light coming from the sky.

Jimmy was now treading water in the bird shit every other stroke he would get some in his mouth, but he seemed to like the flavor because after three or four sips he took a big gulp. As Jimmy started to drown in the bird shit one  last thought went through his mind as he came off his high, “that wasn’t a duck it was fucking superman”

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